A few minutes in the mind of me

mom says: COME GET THIS STUFF OFF THE COUNTER OF YOURS AND PUT IT IN YOUR ROOM! YOU KNOW I'M REALLY GETTING SICK OF YOU LEAVING STUFF AROUND ALL THE TIME...

yeah yeah yeah mom I know! i've heard the speech I'm COMING.

really? two ponytails and a few bobby pins? she thinks I'm going to take ten minutes out of my chillin' time to run up stairs just to set a few bobby pins and two ponytails on my bedside table?

did you just say/think chillin'? in a normal sentence?

yes i did. jeesh. don't judge me.

sorry.

and anyway it's not like it would really take me ten minutes to go upstairs just to throw a few things in my room.

not my point though.

UGH god. So many noises are going on right now. The news is on in the other room, madie's listening to music next to me, my keyboard is so stinking loud, and there's the POPing of the facebook chat going on in the other safari window. good god.

anyway, does the news really have to be on 24/7?

did i just hear the headline of the 5:00 news "A cat in Cannon Falls got stuck in a tree again today..."

I hope to god not... wait... again? good god how many cats are there in Cannon Falls anyway?

I've never really thought of that place as a town anyway. when you drive through it it's the length of the car. it's like passing a tree at 30 mph. I've never really gotten a good look at it. it got flooded too so...

it must be my imagination. there can't be that many cats in cannon falls.

ugh. I kinda want to go get my iPod but i'm too warm and comfy in this little corner of the couch. I know madie wouldn't go get it for me. am I really too lazy to even click the little iTunes button? Yes. madie's listening to music too so the sounds would overlap and become a whole new song.

but not really. more just like a bunch of off beats and mixed up lyrics. it'd just be more sound.

there are still left over cookies from when madie and i went to the grocery store after school today.... a lot more cookies...

i suppose dinner will be "ready" in a few minutes hours anyway. in a few MINUTES mom will SAY dinner's ready but then madie and i will be at the table waiting for a half an hour and just when we go back into the TV room (where I am now) it really will be ready and i'll have to be cold again.

so that's a no to the cookie-eating idea. dang it.

*I've got some change in my pocket* something something *and I'm like, forget you...*

dinner's "ready".

I'M WHIPPING THESE BABY'S OUT!

My amazing sister has inspired me to write beautifully again... for a post. I was going to try to be funny again, because i'm in the mood, but i think that if this attempt is a total fail it WILL be funny! It's a win win situation.

------------------------THE SERIOUSNESS BEGINS!!!---------------------------

... ok hold on i'll think of something soon... it'll come one second...

1...

I'm thinking a poem type deal...
-----------------THIS TIME IT WILL ACTUALLY BEGIN!!!-------------------

The wind crept in around us
Your hair started to sway
back and forth.

I never thought I'd feel that way again
The movement of the music
Around me

Your finger tips tap the seat
My hair starts to creep across my face
I lift my hands above my head
In the car ride
Listening to our favorite song...

We sing along
Out of key
To the music
But the radio isn't on
And we don't care
Let your heartbeat be
The back bone of
The melody
You and me
Have
Perfect harmony

As we danced
Around the building
The strangers stared but we couldn't stop smiling
Laughing wildly
Running around
Only typing on their keyboards the people
Worked
and worked
They kept working and later we talked about
Them wasting their time
Wasting their
Time

We sing along

Out of key

To the music

But the radio isn't on

And we don't care

Let your heartbeat be

The back bone of the

Melody

You and me...

Have

Perfect harmony

I'll come as I am and you come as you are
No one else matters
The sun will rise again
Rise again
In the future but
Today's a present and
You know that I know that you know
We all know that
We will sing along

Out of key
To the music but
The radio isn't on
And we don't care...
We don't
Care...

------------------------------------END OF AWESOMENESS---------------------------------

wow... not a complete fail. Dang it.
Juuuust kidding.

<-- My tree, in the cemetery, has lost all of it's leaves. I found this tree last year and have been coming back to it for awhile. It's my favorite place. Recently I've been taking pictures, like this one, there. It's breath taking.
~Since it is fall here in Minnesota, all the leaves have fallen very quickly. I went back to the tree three days ago and it was completely bare. It depressed me. Although it is in a graveyard, It seemed so full of life. Everything seemed happy and beautiful. I was never scared there. When I went the sky was grey, the tree was bare, and the wind was blowing. I started to notice little sounds in the woods around me.
~I've never watched something go from being happy and bright to being sad and dark in just a week. I suddenly felt confused and worried about everything. I noticed the swaying of the empty branches and the graves around me. I knelt down to touch the ground and noticed it was freezing cold. I've never felt so alone before.
~I began to notice how I must look to passing cars. A girl alone, in the cold, kneeling on the ground in a graveyard. I started my way back home. Everything moved. Nothing stayed still around me and as I walked I felt the sudden urge to run down the street and wrap my scarf more tightly around me. I wanted to feel safe again. My 'happy place' had turned into a cold, dead place. I ran fast and began to feel dizzy. I stopped in the middle of the road and sat down.

I realized dinner would be ready soon.

OK maybe if he had an accent. With a low voice.

I'd like him to wear a lot of brown and Carmel.

Taller then me, but not too tall. Maybe 2-4 inches?

If he would dress nice...

Maybe have darker brown hair.

He couldn't dye it though. Or really care about it. But still wash it and brush it.

If he'd have nice man hands.

He'd actually wear hats when it's cold. Those cable hats.

His favorite seasons would be winter and fall.

He would love to read. The CLASSICS. And he'd recommend the good ones to me.

Maybe wear black glasses.

We'd share books, and have a place we always sat in the library.

Our first date would be to the drive in theatre.

I couldn't meet him until we were both old enough to drive i guess...

He'd get straight A's, but not be stuck up about it. A few B's, two? Just to make him less perfect? which makes him more perfect.

He wouldn't have a cell phone.

He wouldn't fish or golf.

We could talk about how dumb football and wrestling is.

He'd write his own blog.

He'd drive to my house and hold me if mom and dad have a big fight.

We'd have movie nights every other Saturday.

He'd shop at Urban Outfitters.

We couldn't be in the same grade, no one that perfect is ever in my grade.

He would move here from Colorado or Iowa or New York (unrealistic) or Arizona or Montana.

He wouldn't farm.

He'd relate to my family.

He'd like my family.

He'd like dogs, and have a big one of his own. A shepherd? Maybe a husky.

He'd sled with me in the winter.

He'd ski, not snowboard.

We would have fun sucking at bowling.

We would go up the down escalator for the first date, and vise versa.

He'd also enjoy going people watching at the Mall of America.

He'd bring me on a trip with his family.

He'd be the perfect guy.

He'd exist.

I can't believe I was worrying.
School's a breeze. 'nough said.

Today Emily and I had a conversation. She said that she saw who she liked a lot during the day. I said, "I see the Willmister less and less everyday. Now that i think about it." she then asked why i don't just like someone in our grade. "I can't just STOP liking him." she said i could try. I sat for a few seconds, said "There. I tried." then departed to my class. We met up again at my locker later. She said, "then like another guy." I kinda laughed and said, "I'd never like him like i like will. I'd feel like I was betraying him." She said she guessed she understood and we changed the subject.

Why don't i just like someone in our grade? I believe "grades" don't matter, they say age-b4-beauty anyway. Oh wait...

Whatever. I never liked that saying. You know what I mean.

Of course, everyone when they ask who i'm INTERESTED in always thinks that that person MUST be in our grade. That's the good thing about liking will. No one ever guesses.

I've never had a real boyfriend. I don't think i NEED one, but who doesn't want one? I'm a generally independent person, I've never been jealous of girls with boyfriends (unless their boyfriend is will), and I don't need to have a person beside me in order to have fun.

Boyfriends are really just to show everyone at my age anyway. No one really talks, hangs out, or even really looks in each other's direction. These people like the image of being together, but they don't enjoy BEING together. Isn't that what boyfriends are supposed to be all about?

I don't need a boyfriend.

I would like someone like me, who talks with me, is probably attractive, not one of my girl-friends like Emily, is nice, and comes with complimentary chocolate. Is that such a bad thing to want?

It isn't a bad thing to want. It's perfectly normal. PERFECTLY normal, so why is it so hard to get? All the stupid girls who spend time texting and talking about texting and get a second thumb so they can text FASTER are the girls who get boyfriends so easily. I don't even like talking to them. GUYS don't even like talking to them! But somehow, they get the guys?

Whatever. I said before I don't NEED a boyfriend.

But I want one.

My heart feels like it did when Uncle Stephen died...
Well, not as bad. OBVIOUSLY but the same kind of deal. Really heavy. Like it's at the back of my body, laying there. (oh, good images)

I think i might know what this feeling is called. Panic. I'm not 'panicing' but i'm having the panic feeling. Honestly, i don't know how i'm going to do it tomorrow. It's really not that big of a deal, i know. It's just going back to school, right? But i'm SO out of the whole school thing. i'm still in summer mode. It's almost hard to breathe. I'm very confident i'll do fine, but the little thought in the back of my mind keeps taking me down. What if you don't do fine? How could i not do fine? It's only the start of school!!! why am i so scared?!?!?!

Oh yeah. because it's a new school. I'm not moving, all my same friends will be there. It's just a new school. And i have no idea where i'm going.

Writing this down is making it worse. But if feels good at the same time. My heart doesn't feel QUITE as heavy. But still, panic.

Who am i going to hang out with? Emily? But to tell you the truth i don't get along that well with emily's friends. and of COURSE emily will hang out with her friends, that's a given. Maybe it will just be me and rachel. But rachel might hang out with Morgan, even if morgan is a !@#$. (I'm sorry but that's really the only word for morgan.) So what will i do? Emily's friends aren't THAT bad. And i would hang out with Lydia all the time but she's a grade above. we won't have ANY classes together. Lunch. Woopty bleeping doo. And even then we won't be able to sit by each other. and once again, i don't even like who she hangs out with.

Maybe i should form my own group of misfits. too bad i don't know that many. It'd be me, the nose-picker, the i-hate-the-world girl, and... the counselor-who-no-one-likes-because-she-doesn't-help-at-all. Once again, woopty bleeping doo. Sounds like the gang for me!!!

Ugh, this isn't helping anymore. I'm going to hang out with emily. I've made this a WAAAAAY bigger problem then it really is. I know it. but there's no way to stop my mind!!! STOP MIND STOP!!!

...

nope it didn't work.

I'll be fine. I know it. My heart is ALMOST in the right place.

I think i need a hug.

This is the email i just sent to my best friend Emily. We're best friends now by the way. well... she's my best friend. which is kinda sad if it doesn't go both ways... but i know i'm ONE of her best friends!!! oh my god. i'm so pathetic... anyway this is what i just sent her via facebook!
-------------------------------

emily. at school you'll be like, my only friend. well, i have other FRIENDS but ya know. i like you. :) hehe and PLUS i'll need somebody who knows about the whole morgan thing. to help me avoid her. :D and i bet she'll try to ruin my day tomorrow... O.o well maybe not. but MAYBE! and i need to give her her shirt tomorrow too and you should come... or not... but do... well you don't have to. :)
i guess everything's OK between rachel and i. she never REALLY did anything wrong. she said she doesn't want to hang around with morgan either. (but morgan doesn't know that) and i'm hoping that rachel stands up to morgan like i did.

other then that i'm seriously freaking out.
well, not that bad. but kinda. i'm scared. but REALLY REALLY EXCITED!!! tomorrow the temp. is a high of SIXTY TWO! my dad said!!! holy god. i'm glad bc i want to wear skinny jeans and i was afraid it would be too hot. 

it's raining... dang it.
i've been reading all day because of the weather. way to end the summer!!! stupid rain!!! and it's not even lightning. it's just raining. :P 
but the best part of tomorrow will be seeing YOU and MADDY and LYDIA and CHLOE and ANNIE and RACHEL (i'm including her) and EVERYONE ELSE! like everyone! :D
you know how i was/am friends with isabell/bee? well at orientation she totally ignored me. what the heck? it was weird but i guess if she's gonna do that then that's fine. i feel like a lot of my friends are totally leaving me. well... i left morgan, but idk. if bee leaves then the only person from my "group" last year will be rachel. which i guess is ok. but sad still you know? anyway i'm super excited for tomorrow. i set my clock for SIX OCLOCK AM!!! OMGIZZLE! and i'm gonna get to school at 7:45. i still have to set up my mirror in my locker too. i forgot that when we went decorating. 

also i've been going over my map over and over again. have you? idk if i'm just being weird. but it's helping. :) aaannnd i'm just basically telling you all my thoughts right now!!! yay!!!

it's really gloomy and i hope it's better 2morrow. bc you guys have to walk to the school. (burn) but that will be fine bc i'll just be in the car with my MOM and you guys will be walking with your BFFS. so lucky you!!! grrr.
we should meet at the school. because i don't know what i'll do if i'm alone in the school. it'd be sad. GUILT!! sorry if i just made you feel like you have to!!! i didn't mean to. i really will be fine if we don't walk in together! I WON'T DIE! DON'T WORRY!

how is madi going to get to school everyday? is she going to have her mom drive her? i suppose so. or her dad. bc she can't walk anymore. i never thought of that!

emily. why aren't you online? i have to write this all alone. this kinda sucks not gonna lie. i'm suddenly feeling depressed.

ugh.

where did all the chocolate in my house go!?!?!?!??! WHAT THE HECK????

oh well.

i'll just read. since you're not there. poopy pants. :P

see you tomorrow!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Holy god... no really. Holy GOD.

Tomorrow's the last day of summer... School starts september 7th.

Wait... it's september? Since when did it become september? I thought it was August still... didn't madie JUST have her birthday? well... her birthday IS august 28... so i guess it was already the end of august...

but come on.

HOLY GOD.

School starts like... in two days! not even! one day! it's 8:15 so really in a couple of hours it'll be the last day of summer...

a leaf just fell. i did NOT just see a leaf fall...

wait... wasn't i excited about school a second ago?

YAY SCHOOL'S STARTING! OMG THIS ROCKS!!!!!!!!

what am i saying? this does not "rock". this is very sad.

WHAT AM I SAYING! I CAN'T WAIT! SCHOOL IS AWESOME! I'm super excited!!! i'm so confident! i'll do fine! i'm picking out my outfit right now!!!

wait... what if it's hot on the first day? *checks weather* it's going to be 75... but that's half way to 80... hmmm... but i don't have any cool summer clothes!

75 is cold! i love school that means that fall is starting and that i get to wear whatever i want! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my teachers are going to be cool too!!!

wait... so should i wear my skinny jeans or not? god, why does it have to be one of those inbetween degrees. why not just 70 or just 80? 75 isn't hot or cold. it's... 75. SEVENTY !@#$%^EN FIVE!!! why!!! why!?!?!?!?

wait... this is good! i can wear anything i want!

well not anything. the school has heating but not air conditioning.

but it shouldn't use the heating if it's 75!

but what if it's colder then 75 and i dress for 75 but the school has the heating on so it's hot inside? what if i get pit stains?

you're wearing a white shirt. they won't show. just don't wear grey.

but if i wear my white shirt tomorrow!!!

don't wear your white shirt tomorrow then! for god's sake it's only one day

but a lot can happen in one day!!!

NO IT CAN'T! NOT A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN ONE DAY!

unless that is, mom tries to clean my room because i didn't and she washes my white shirt for no reason.

then hide the shirt.

the shirt is hidden but what if i can't find it!?!?!?

unhid the shirt then!

ok... but... BUT... BUT!!!!!!!!

EMMA CALM THE CRAP DOWN YOU'LL BE FINE!!!

fine. you're right! i will be fine! i'll be fine... *shakes back and forth in a ball* everyhting is going to be alright... inhale... exhale... inhale... wait... did i exhale twice!?!?!? what if i die because i forgot to breathe!!!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!!!!!! I'M CHOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M CHOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

emma. you're fine.

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shut up! you'll be fine tomorrow and nothing will be wrong. just chill.

well of course i'll be fine TOMORROW! by then i'll have died. because i can't breathe! duh!

wow. just... wow.

anyway either way i won't be fine. summer's ending. i basically told it to go away. and now it has... COME BACK SUMMER!!!! COME BACK!!!!!

you know that you're going insane. you need school. more then ever.

i am NOT going insane. i'm just... i'm just...

insane?

NO! i'm... i'm... I'M... I'M JUST MENTALLY DISPLACED!

wow. that makes so much sense.

oh be quiet. you know it does.

do i? DO I?

I DON'T KNOW IF I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow... well... bye then

bye! see you tomorrow!

.
..
...
....
......
....
...
..
.

^^^ i just broke my own rule to never use those things. but i think it brought me back to my senses. i'm officially excited for school!

you sure about that?

um...
.
.
.



there's really nothing i can do, is there?

Last night I had a dream I was in track and field. Normally I would say "that was a good dream." and move on with my life. BUT the sign-ups for sports next year are August 2nd and I feel like I should do more over the year then just fine arts. So, here are the sports options. (if you had to choose from them you'd be as stuck as I am.)

Fall:

Boy's Cross Country (oh yeah. definately that one.)

Girl's Cross Country

Football :P

Volleyball

Girls Tennis

Soccer

Weight Room

I know you're thinking "Emma! You LOVE volleyball!" but the people who are in volleyball are really stupid when they're in high school. 

Winter:

Basketball

Dance Team (the stupid kind)

Wrestling (STUIPD.)

Weight Room

I honestly don't know what the "Weight Room" is but I don't think girls are even really allowed. Not that I'd be going...

Spring: 

Adapted Bowling ('Adapted'?)

Baseball

Softball

Golf

Boys Tennis

Boys Track and Field

Girls Track and Field

and the WEIGHT ROOM (what the heck???)

Will you absolutely kill me if I say that I want to be in Track? I'd do short distance running and long jumping if I could. I mean... would...

Fine Arts/ Achedemic:

Jazz Band

Solo Ensemble

Math League (fall)

All School Play (fall)

One Act Play (winter)

Speech (spring)

I'm doing, Math League because my dad makes me, the All School Play, Speech, and two that aren't on there, band and choir. Yay!

But now I'm seriously considering being in Track... I don't know if I'm going to like it but... it's not like all the stupid people who are mean are in it (unlike our volleyball team). The stupid people are nice! I think! Maybe... sorta...

ANYWAY Bee's in it and she's fun and nice. (notice how i didn't say she wasn't stupid... oh my god JUST KIDDING!! Bee's not stupid.) So it sounds fun to me!! 

Dude. It's finally happened.

I think.

Morgan and I haven't talked... for a month... I'm so... HAPPY!!!!!

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!! MAYBE SHE'LL GO AWAYAYAYAYAY!!! I honestly feel soooo free!! Holy god.

And you know what? I don't want to return her shirt. I'm going to keep it. Unless she brings it up again... then i will because I rather not die of guilt.

But HOLY GOD she's not here right now!!! She hasn't called in forever, she only emailed me because she wanted her shirt back, and SHE'S NOT IN MY SIGHT!!! I feel like a horrible person but OH MY GOD. I'm so happy right now!!!

Seriously. I feel like this big, horrible monster just died and the whole town no longer has to suffer from it's horribleness...

^^^That was going to be a better sentence but I kind of lost my thought after suffer...^^^

I'M FREE!!!

I like to interview myself.

Let's call my interviewer Lucy and I'll be... Me. God I'm creative!

Lucy: How many followers do you have?

Me: ZZZZZero.

Lucy: Do you follow people?

Me: Yes.

Lucy: But you don't have any followers...?

Me: No...

Lucy: I see. Interesting.

Me: You're interesting.

Lucy: Excuse me?

Me: Nothing...

Lucy: I see. 

Me: Me too...

Lucy: Yes. Well... So you follow other people?

Me: YES! Yes i do!!!

Lucy: And do you take pills for your anger problem?

Me: NO I DO NOT TAKE PILLS FOR MY ANGER PROBLEM!!! I mean. No. I do not have an anger problem. :D

Lucy: Mhm... *scribbles on paper*

Me: What are you writing?

Lucy: "In denial about anger issue." Why?

Me: No reason...

Lucy: So are you in a relationship?

Me: Yes

Lucy: REALLY?

Me: YEAH.

Lucy: With whom? (because she's the kind of person who actually says 'whom')

Me: Your mum.

Lucy: I see... *scribbles*

Me: What now?

Lucy: What?

Me: What are you--

Lucy: ANYway, when's your birthday?

Me: September 38.

Lucy: Excuse me?

Me: September 42.

Lucy: I'm sorry but--

Me: NOVEMBER 98

Lucy: Really, Emma there's no reason to--

Me: STRANGER DANGER!!! STRANGER DANGER!!!

And then someone calls my name.

this is number three of the hour so... be proud.

or not.

Speaking of words like not don't you hate it when people are speaking normally and all of a sudden they say "I do not want to--" or "I do not like--" e.c.t. ? It drives me nuts! I just want to say to them "Hey, I'm really sorry, but when you speak all properly I do not know what thy is talking about-th."

<----But I suppose they'd get confused and kind of look like this.Which is a good thing. :)

Goofy Cartoon - Cold War (1951)

very very funny. i don't know how old it is but it's soo cute!

http://www.goopster.net/omg-do-not-want!.jpg

this makes me want to
1. laugh
2. recover from laughing
3. look at it again
4. laugh
5. try to breathe
6. breathe
7. look for more like this
8. repeat

So lately (a.k.a. the last decade or so) I've been playing volleyball. And loving it. So now I'm taking a summer camp with seventh and eighth graders. Morgan and Rachel are in it. See where this is going?

Let me break it down for you.

Morgan: How can you be sweating?
Me: Um... because I've been running around?
Rachel: If this were basketball, you wouldn't even think this was a workout
*sound of a gunshot going through my body... theoretically of course...*
Me: Haha, well I'm not in basketball... if you haven't noticed.
Morgan: Yeah. We noticed. *snooty look the kind of resembles a pile of poop*
Rachel: You should do nine tigers. Like we do in basketball
Morgan: Do you KNOW what a tiger IS?
*I try not to scream at her*
Me: yes, MORGAN. I do. During school in volleyball we did them every time the ball dropped.
Rachel: Not nine.
Me: Um, rachel. Yes we have. we did lunges eight times and then we had to do sprints 3 times and tigers 2 times.
Morgan: well that's still not nine tigers.
*Morgan whispers something evil to rachel's ear*
I walk away.

YOU GUYS SUCK.

I'm sorry. but really. why would they be like that? Rachel was so mean! Morgan... well that's nothing compared to sometimes but still. It wasn't very nice if you ask me.
And the worst part was their snooty voices. Holy god what the heck? I wanted to chuck something at them to get them to just SHUT UP already!

I'm so glad they don't read this blog...

I'm going to go eat now.

two words...

holy. god.

how can you not LOVE that? These are the kinds of pictures that make me want one of these. seriously. try to say no to that. 

yeah nice try.

don't hurt yourself.

Not even lying this was my most recent To Do list:

1. exercise 
2. search the couch cushions for loose change
3. if that fails (because it is a stereotype) search under the beds
4. rip this paper up because it serves no purpose
5. because you know you won't do number 1
6. right?
7. whatever
8. even if you do you'll only say that by walking to the fridge to get food was exercise
9. but oh well!
10. live your life. what do i care...

... I'm completing number 4 as i type...

You know what sucks?

But other then that, when the Mayflies attack.

(there's more where that came from)

They're EVERYWHERE! And living only a couple blocks from the Missippi river, holy god. There's no escape.

They just started coming today. One was stuck to my window... *shivers* It was so gross. They really like white walls (as you can see in the picture). I hate them. So. Much.

I guess it's just that they don't serve any purpose in the world. I did some research. "The adults are short-lived, from a few minutes to a few days depending on the species" (I didn't say it was a lot of research) UGH! They're so gross! And they only are alive for a little while but... *shivers... again* 


Well, I think I've made you bored and grossed out long enough. 


Time to go inflict pain on other helpless souls!

Too much? (a poem)

Too fast
Too slow
Too high
Too low
Too loud
Too quiet
Too cold
Too difficult for me to be perfect

I guess I'm just
Too much myself
Too be your friend
Too make me be perfect

So I'm leaving all of you
Because I'm too much

Too weird
Too smart
Too easy
Too fun
Too boring
Too clean
Too dirty
Too good
Too bad
Too sweet
Too mean
Too everything you can possibly be

I guess I'm just too much me. :)

So, if you're a good reader (ha ha. like i have readers) you've read from my very old posts that my life goal is to write a memoir. That's why I made you, blog, in the first place. To log my memories into a safe place where nothing ever goes away for good. The Internet.

The Internet is great, we all know. To tell you the truth, my history on my computer is more boring then my life. I KNOW! That's insane. Think of how dull that must be! It's like the color beige.

Maybe even worse.

Right now I'm reading the book Bookends. It's really good! I had to wait a little while for it to get REALLY interesting but now it is and i can't put it down!

Ok, other then that my life (let's pretend I have one) has been pretty boring. I've been on the computer for hours because there's nothing else to do. Really, it's been so bad, I actually played a FACEBOOK GAME today. Don't judge! Actually, you know what? Go ahead. I'm not going to know.

So, my latest expedition just may be shopping on Ebay. Who knows?

If you were trapped on an island, what 5 things would you bring and why?

I really don't know, but I do know what I wouldn't bring.

1) anything who isn't a life boat
2) anything that isn't a phone
3) anyone who doesn't have an endless supply of money
4) anything that isn't food
5) anyone that isn't a cute boy scout that knows how to make a fire and shelter (also should be inbetween the ages 14-20)
6) (because I'm cool like that and not YOU I get another number) why not throw in unlimited texting and service with that phone?

I moved my room around again!

So, I've been counting, and this is the 5th time since september. Whew! But seriously, I like this one the best. You know, until I change it again.

I need a new wardrobe. I'm planning to sell most of my clothes at a garage sale at my friends house, collect the money, and use it to buy new clothes. :) BUT I do need clothes until I go shopping for new ones... oh well, what's a couple of days naked? (just kidding... not)

The lilacs are in bloom! Everywhere smells of them! They're beautiful. I cut some lavender ones to match my room. My new natural smell, lilac. 

Also I got my window to open in my room, which is now right by my pillow. Right now the breeze coming through my window smells of lilacs and... burnt brownies. O.o? I think I'll close my window soon.

I'm a poisonous mushroom.

National Treasure.

"We need to go to the third brick on the wall across the world by 3:00 today."
"...Why?"
"BECAUSE there's three things IN THIS WORLD that I KNOW for a FACT. One, THIS movie sucks EGGS. Two, I haven't washed my hair in THREE days. And three, I. Am. The. BOMB."

Sorry Nicholas Cage, but I've seen you in too many movies like this.

Plus, your random yelling in sentences GET'S old. SorRY.

Untitled by caramilka on Polyvore.com

Amazing.


I found many pictures that are cool on www.polyvore.com/


just sayin'.

BAH! ugh, i hate that the font comes with it. blech. ;)

oh my god. you know they're cool.

the wordle things? yes. and no it's not nerdy to spend half an hour thinking of what words to put in the box. jeesh you people.

well, things haven't changed much from last update in the house. i'm not getting very good juju vibes. =[ yet =]. after a conversation with dad i don't know what to think.

i feel a little:

=]
=[
:)
:(
:o
:/

ya know what i mean?

Blog... blog... vlog.

no, of course i'm not obsessed with these things. god, who do you think i am?

*wordle.com/* 

Wordle.com "Life is Long"

soooo...

madie and i just had a really long conversation to my dad. we tried to talk to our mom too but she walked out for a 'drive' before we could say the whole thing. we told him about how we feel about him and mom always fighting. how it effects us, that they need to listen to us, that it's NOT an OK feeling going around this house right now, and that he needs to accept that. dad has a tendency to just brush off everything that comes at him by brainwashing himself that every thing's ok. everything's not ok.

so although all our time and effort went into that half an hour discussion, we still weren't heard. dad twisted our words until we ate them, mixed up what we came into the discussion sure of what we knew, and came out without a clue what was happening. Dad's a darn good politician. I hate it. it makes me feel inside out.

ca-boom-de-boom-de-boom.

 Interesting subject interesting subject interesting interesting Basically what we gonna do is dance.

Testing out the new blog layout. I decided to just go simple.

Ok, so I ran out of creative ideas.

But whatever. I'm in a better mood then in my last post! Which is funny because I posted my last post about 15 minutes ago. I had an orange. It made my day.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

I'm just in a really good mood. :)

>:(

Yesterday I noticed that the man on the moon is sad.

"Mom, why's the man on the moon sad?" I said. We were at a resteraunt right next to a huge window. The moon was out early, it was still light out, but you could see his face perfectly.

"What?" She looked. "I don't know. That's kinda depressing..." Mom said.

"Maybe the stars are his tears."

"Why would he be crying? You have such a beautiful mind, Emma." My mom can never just let me speak.

So not that that isn't the most happy thing you've ever heard in your life, but here's something better.

This week has SUCKED. Just, everything stunk! Madie and I had a nice talk last night. I feel like I haven't talked to her in ages. (Hey madie, go on a walk with me today?)

So of course you can guess that my friends took up 99.9% of the suckish factor. I want to get away from them. And everyone. But I don't want to be alone. There's no one to choose from in this stupid town. "Just think that you'll be out of here someday and then you'll actually find people like you." yeah, but I don't think it's fair that I'm the only person without people like me. Why do I have to wait so long, and MOVE, to be happy? Why can't I be happy here?

I don't want to leave my school, don't worry, but sometimes I just wish I could be someone else for a day. I know, I know, I'm answering my own questions. "Then you'd find that you're not the only one..." blah blah blah. But still. I deserve a little change.

I feel like all I ever do is tell my computer screen my feelings. Computer, I'm sorry I dump all the things you don't care about into your keyboard and force you to jam it into your memory.

AnyWHO, basically the whole world is mad at me right now. Emily A. (my back up plan when my friends leave me... oh god. Maybe that's why she's mad at me. I feel like a horrible person! :( -) is mad at me because I was mad at my friends, then I wasn't, now I am, and she doesn't know why i bounce back so quickly. But Emily always acts like she wants me to not be friends with anyone but her.

Also Emily S. called me mean to my face. That was nice. So that doesn't make me want to be mean to her AT ALL. But I resisted. Then Nathan H. (new kid who no one likes. sadly.) said to emma g. "Are you nice emma or mean emma?" Emma asked who was who and he said, "Mean emma wears black boots." Guess who wears black boots? Didn't take you long there.

So my week was really sucky. It feels good just to say it was sucky. SUCKY SUCKY SUCKY WEEK!! Ah, that's better.

Sometimes I just have to write.

Ok i REALLY don't know how I remember all these passwords.

I have a MCHSI.COM email, a GOOGLE email, a MSN email (i think...), a youtube account, a blog (hello there!), a facebook, and I'm pretty dang sure I have a garfield.com account from fourth grade... don't tell anyone.

I have a different password for EACH ONE. It's insane. I barely remembered the password for this very blog. (don don don.) What would all my ONE reader(s) do?

So yes, here I am again. With my throat completely destroyed you're all I have to talk to that won't ask me to repeat every two seconds. Thanks.

So I'm in a grand mood because guess what? Single Awareness Day is coming up! I think tomorrow! Basically it's the day where all those perfect hot couples get all lovey dovey (I know, it kills me too when people say that. I had to.) and rub it in. EVERYWHERE. There's always the early bloomers too. I walked in to school yesterday and all the dumb couples such as, "Tractor+Popular Chick=GROSSEST THING IN THE WORLD" couple #1 walked right by me holding hands. I know? What the heck? God, they just HAD to be happy in front of me! How rude, right?

Anyway, even though I'm feeling the worst pain in my throat I've ever felt in the history of my life, along with you know, friends, S.A.D. (oh my god! Single Awareness Day's initials are SAD! How wonderful.) and you know, the occasional gross asking out by RYVER (Not even I am that desperate to get a boyfriend), my life's pretty good!

I found a new song, Hero of the Story by Regina Spektor, that pretty much sums up my entire life. Which is, "A girl who is independent because of, you know, life, who is just cool like that." Haha no, it's actually really good. (Ugh, yes, it's true, I really need to work on my over Independencey...)

Better go chug down some more Halls Cherry Cough Drops!

Wish me luck.

Crumbling

I don't want to come home to this

Standing here, all alone in the mist

School alone left me doubting the people who "got my back"

Now my entire life is off track

Did you ever stop to think "does she need this?"

Do you ever even stop to care?

I know I'm probably the last thing on your mind

But please

Will you ever stop and ask if I'm there?

I waist all my time worrying about you

It never goes the way that you plan

But I don't understand

Why everything has to be so unfair

I don't want to have to stand here

While you forget about the way I might feel

I'm sick of hearing you scream all the time

I don't want to have to try not to cry

It wasn't my plan to have to stop and stand

Holding my ground as it falls

Crumbling down

This poem describes my day today. Sucky.

So I went to school, dressed in an awesome outfit, completely confident. Lunch today:

"Emma remember when you brought that picture to school of what you wanted to get your hair cut like?" Morgan said.

I didn't know where this was going, "Yeah...?"

"And we were like, 'So you want to get your nose pierced too? And your hair turned back?' She was totally emo." Morgan said. I started to get mad.

"Yeah the 'Emo haircut'." Rachel said. Going along with it. No sound in her voice told me she didn't agree.

"Her hair was brown. And-" I tried to defend myself. (and sort of failed)

"Yeah and her nose pierced! Probably her belly-button too." Morgan contributed.

"My cousin has her nose, AND belly-button pierced. She isn't goth or emo." I said, half lying about the nose piercing.

"Wow." Rachel said. Not letting down her ground, but more thinking it was a lame point.

"Yeah, and Emma went through an Emo phase too." Morgan said as if I wasn't right in front of her.

"You know what? If you're not going to be nice, then I'm leaving because I'm not going to take it." I said, not loud enough, but enough for a short silence to overcome the table. (Maddy P., Ayaho, Morgan M., Grace D, and Victoria were also at this table, talking quieter then Morgan and Rachel. Bee was/is sick.)

I left. Morgan M. followed. "UGH!" I said to Morgan M.

"God, Morgan was being really mean. She's still going on about it."

"I KNOW! What the heck?"

Morgan ranted about Morgan D. for awhile about how she's "not even good in Basketball! Since her dad's the coach her team ALWAYS gets the ball first in skrimage. She told the team that we were bad!" I just nodded, glad Morgan would listen, but mostly that she understood.

"What's up?" Emily came up next to us in the hallway (which we were standing in for way too long).

"Did you hear Morgan?" I said. I regretted my words, Emily's not known for keeping her mouth shut, but I needed to talk to people. And hey, they were willing.

"No. Why?" I gave her the 'what-do-you-think?' look. She nodded her head.

"Morgan doesn't know when to stop!" Morgan M. said. I sighed, happy that some people are on my side.

So now I'm evilly hopeful that more and more people will see that Morgan's not the perfect little princess everyone thinks she is, like I've known for a LONG time.

But the big point is that Rachel, my 'best friend' who I thought would stand up for me, didn't. The person who's been the nicest this whole week, failed me. Like everybody else.

I keep thinking though, Bee would've stood up for me. She just wasn't there to. But honestly, no one who knows Morgan enough goes against her.

FPS (Future Problem Solvers) regionals are on Saturday, I leave Friday after school to a hotel to meet with most of my team and swim. I'll tell you if we get first.

Did I mention my parents are in a fight... again?

I really don't have time.

Another fight. Problem: Politics. Famous lines: "You're mad at me!" "No, YOU'RE mad at ME!" "I don't know how I'm the bad guy!" "No one's calling you the bad guy!" "I'M ALWAYS THE BAD GUY!"

Unlike last night (where another episode had taken place) dad is calmer then mom is right now. Once the fight is over. Dad's still breathing heavy, mom's on her computer on her bed, typing 'with meaning' I suppose. I did most of my homework the best I could without accidentally writing "bad guy" as an answer for problem 34 B.

On the up side I wrote possibly the best journal entry in my life. Of course, that's always the only up every time something bad happens. You know me, every bad thing equals a best seller memoir.

“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”

Oscar Wilde

OK I know you're so overwhelmed with my new awesome blog makeover that you can't even function, but come on...

(I am too!)

So today was pretty awesome. I got a HUGE cinnamon roll during math, (thanks to the over generous lunch ladies... haha oxy moron) I got to play a computer game after math... that sounds pathetic, and school started late this morning. BUT if you read my last post you'd know that Madi Dwel got a chihuahua. *throws dart at Madi's face*

Yeah, she knows that I want either a Yorkie Terrier or a chihuahua. She, being a stupid !@# (hahahahahahhhahhaha! sorry i couldn't help myself) got a chihuahua. I can't even talk about it for longer then a paragraph or I'll explode.

I'M GOING TO GO EAT SOME MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM THAT YOU DON'T HAVE!!!

You know you want some.

Madi Dwel got a chihuahua.

Enough said.