Passion

I've found my passion. It's writing poems and drawing. 

For my drawings I write in heavy pencil. The drawings are very dark and serious until I take my water paints and do either splatter paint on top or pain random parts of the picture. 

My poems are my true feelings. I open myself up to say what I want about who I want... with out mentioning names of corse! I've published all my poems so far onto my facebook page and I've gotten lots of nice comments from all my friends on facebook! It's very uplifting and makes me feel good about myself. Next thing you know I'll be publishing videos of me singing!! If I can muster up the guts!!

He's been logging on and off of IM for a long time now... he's off for the time being. He'll get back on though, I'm sure of it.

Finally

"At last, my love has come along. My lonely days are over. And life is like a song. OH, yeah yeah, at last. The stars above are blue. My heart was rapped up in clovers, the night I looked at you..." 

At last, I've found my soul mate... And here we are in heaven! For he is mine! At last! Listen to that song... ahhhhhhhh........

OK, so I was at a party and the guy I've liked for 10 years was there... literally 10 years! Well, he was... oh my god! I can't describe it! But, the best part was, he wanted to be with me. When all the other boys were going to shoot birds with b-b guns (or something) he said, "no I don't think so guys. I want to stay here and paint with the girls!" And he did... for an hour. Just me, his little sister, and another of the neighbor girls. When I was alone on a swing, he would come and sit by me and talk... about everything! "You don't go on your instant messenger as often...  you used to?"

He had asked me. I said, "Yeah, I know. But, now I mostly just go on Facebook now.... you don't go on facebook!" he laughs, "Oh! Facebook? I haven't been on that thing since I made it! Huh..." 

Then we talked about what to do next. He planned it all on his iTouch! We all laughed about that! Anyway, he was always on my side. When I didn't want to watch a movie and everyone else did, we didn't watch the movie. When I didn't have a bike, he gave me his. 

Once, we were all over at his house and I was sitting on his teeter-totter type thing alone, so he comes and sits on the other side. His little sister (she's 8) yells, "Do you love her or WHAT?!" and he yells back, "Hey, I can tell everybody who you love too!" and she stops... for some reason that caught my attention... I don't know why.... it just sounded defensive and protecting? 

I know I may be over thinking all of this but it's the exact words he said. Also it was a major, what my sister and I call, a Milestone! Ha ha ha! 

Time to Change Minds

I just searched on google blogs (to see if my blog showed up) with the word "divorce". Instead this blog came up saying "Divorce, Always Bad for Children." I read it and commmented,

"that's not true. my parents are divorced and i baby sit, get strait A's, neither of my sisters drink, smoke, or are cutters or anything else bad. If you would like to read MY blog, go ahead. it's describing how i feel about the situation as my parents go through a divorce... i strongly disagree." then i put my blog, www.whyisitsolame.blogspot.com/  under that.

No offence, but I would like to change those people's minds. Just because your parents are divorced doesn't mean your going to be a screwed up kid! You can't judge people like that just because you don't know what else to write about them. If you don't know what it's like, then you cant's say anything bad. Please understand. THANK YOU!

OK, now back to business! I'm watching Jumanj on abc family with my oldest sister. I love this movie. It's so sweet! And really creative. I don't know why they don't show the good movies more often on TV. Like Harold and Maud, or the old princess movies you never see anymore... like Snow White. I haven't seen a princess movie in a long time. Maybe that's what I should do next weekend with my friends! Ha... I can see us making fun of it now!!!

Last 2 days...

In the last 2 days my parents have been ignoring each other. I haven't been able to sing out loud freely with my parents together because all the songs I know are love songs. My dad's still calling my mom, "honey" and I'm wondering if he even knows that they are going to get a divorce tomorrow. My mom said, "I won't be moving out for a while, honey." to me today when I said, "I'll have a better chance of getting my own dog because dad won't have to be around it all the time." 

This whole thing is an 'out-of-body' experience. I can't look forward to anything in the near future because I have no idea what it'll be like with two single parents. What kind of mood will I be in tomorrow? What will my parents act like tomorrow? Will they even get divorced tomorrow or will they "get back together?" It sucks.

I will be getting a phone though. My mom said, "when you need one... when I'm living--" she was going to say, "when i'm living away from you" but it was too hard. So when she does move out, I'll get a phone... yay? 

I don't know how to feel about this... just now my friend, Rachel, responded to my email saying they were getting a divorce. She said, 

"omg Emma! idk what 2 say..." and I replied, 

"it's ok. my mom's not moving out for a while. but the divorce is happening tomorrow while i'm at shcool. i want to talk to bee and see how it was when her parents divorced.. well, i saw this coming though. as i told you b4 @ the sleepover, my parents fight, A LOT. my dad's gonna live here at my house, and my mom's going to stay in the guest bedroom until she finds a job and has enough money to get her own place... it's going to be very weird..."

If any of you know what it's like to be with two divorced parents, please comment and explain!! I HAVE TO IDEA!

New Phone??!!!

Dearest Darlingest Momsie and Popsicle,

Ha ha ha! That's from the play Wicked. Anyway, now that I'll have to communicate with BOTH of you separately, I think I need a cell phone.

Now, a cell phone is a lot of work! You have to charge it, remember to bring it with you, pay for it, and take care of it! If I lose it it'll cost many

bucks! But, a cell phone is very nice to have! I'll be able to communicate with you both better. If I can't communicate with both of you then how

are you both going to know where I am? You may freak out because one of you don't know who's house I'll be going to! If I have to stay after school

then I can call you and tell you faster! If I ever do have to stay after school how will you know without calling ME first? With out a cell phone you

couldn't even call me to know where I am! With a cell phone I could make more afficiant plans more ahead of time with my friends. I could make plans

all by my self. You wouldn't have to worry about if I'm going somewhere after school when I have a cell phone and can call and tell you. With a cell phone

you CAN call me and ask! If I didn't have one, how would you know where I am all the time? If you're not sure what I'm doing, you can call me and

ask!

You're so nice and you're so smart

Do you know the song, So Nice, So Smart? I love that song. It is so peaceful and calming. It's from JUNO the movie soundtrack. "I like my new bunny suit.... when I wear it I feel cute!" is the last words! It's nice.

Check up!

This is just me checking up on all of you (ZERO) who look at my blog. If you have a blog and would like to have me read it, comment on one of my posts and copy and paste your blog address. I promise I'll go and read it! Thanks for viewing my blog! 

Day's not geting any better...

After this morning, nothing's getting any better. My dad can't stop calling my mom "honey?" and mom (i can tell) just wants to move out already.

My mom doesn't know if she should,

1. get a job first
2. move out first
3. stay with her mom (in town)
4. or just go to her mom's house at night and stay here in the day.
   

I think she should get a job first, then move out and get a place (:( but at least she'll be happy). I don't want her to go, i don't want them do divorce. But my parents think it's what's best... i think

Divorce

Today my mom came to my grandma's to pick me up from sleeping there. She told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce. They didn't go to the symphony because at dinner they got into a fight and turned around. Dad was yelling at my mom the whole hour back home. My parents can't talk about anything.

I'm going to tell my best friend Bee first because she has divorced parents already and can help me. Then I'll tell my other best friend Rachel... they should know. I'll get a cell phone. That's the only bright side on my part.

Cold... ugh

Runny nose, sneezing constantly, my head's plugged up... the basic cold. All today at school I was sniffling and sneezing... Reminder: don't wear my sweatshirt any time soon.

Now I'm getting ready to go to my grandma's house/apartment for the night with my two sisters. *sneeze! sniffle* My parents are going to be at the symphony for the night so they're sending us over to my grandma's. (also they don't want to "worry about you. But, it would be nice to be ALONE in the house with your dad with out having to worry about you." code: this is my LAST CHANCE before we get very old!)

*sneeze, ugh, groan, trip on covers, UGH!*

My dad just got a new tux for the symphony. It's grey, buttons by the sleeve cuffs, black underneath, with a "black" (it's PURPLE) tie with orange lines on it... it sounds odd but it looks, as my dad says, "future kid-ish!" so whatever.

I have 15-20 minutes until I have to leave for my grandma's. It wouldn't be as bad if  my grams had wireless internet and facebook worked properly on her computer... but NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*sneeze, ears feel full, (groan)*

It was my friend's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!! She's so lucky she gets to be out of school on her birthday. She wasn't at school because she was helping with a garage sale... I don't know... don't ask me!

RANDOM THOUGHT JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD! Reminder: wash sweatshirt before wearing it next... it's holding all my sneezes and breaths... nasty.

Late

It's late. I got back from the choir concert at 10:05, or something, p.m. Tired, my eyes burn, I'm barely alive! But as my favorite author said to me (directly) "This is your clam shell, don't let ANYTHING destract you from writing. The boxing beaver may box you, but DON'T LOOK UP!" said Katie McKy today to me.

I'm now waiting for ALL the lights to go out in my house before i type freely. 

Until then i'll tell you about... oh no. WHY IS THERE A BLINKING GREEN LIGHT COMING FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LAPTOP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ignoring it, it's NOTHING... :(

ANOTHER Choir Concert... Joy.

Woo Hoo... another choir concert. I just had mine on Tuesday. But, this is my school's POPS concert and my sister wants me to see it, so I'm going.

This is the one (or so) thing I will NOT miss once my sisters go to collage, the constant concerts. I do admit, I'll miss them a lot, but not this part, not at all. 

Right now I'm listening to my oldest sister's conversation on the phone. She's talking about how I surprised her with the news of leaving at 7:10 this morning suddenly. Tee-hee! Something about her friend Nathan... she just hung up... crap. "I was listening to that!" I yell... "WHAT?!" she replies. Ha ha ha.. she has no idea what I'm talking about.

My choir teacher is directing my middle sister's choir tonight because the usual teacher for the high school is on maternity leave until the school year ends. My teacher (in my opinion) should be teaching kindergardeners how to sing instead of my and my sister's choir. I'm sorry, she's just very bad at recognizing our maturity level. 

Young Writer's Conference...

Today I went to the Young Writer's Conference. It was fun. My mom insisted on going with me, but this time it wasn't so bad. I think my mom's learning to give me some space, and to let me be alone sometimes... sort of.

On the bus ride there  it was only a couple kids. The bus driver and the teacher DIDN'T CARE about what we did! It might have been the best bus ride ever. 

My friend Emily and I kept moving around from seat to seat. Until on the ride back when the driver said, "No more moving around anymore you girls in the back. You have to stay in your seat." Crabby old guy. 

When I got home I was greeted by an empty cake pan, and one of my pies was gone... This is the welcome I get almost everyday. Two angsty teenage sisters, one overprotective mom, and an overly musical dad. Fun, fun.