(EMILY! ... *motions below this post*)
I hate that you're the only thing that keeps me dreaming
I hate that you have so many girlfriends
I hate that when you text me I can never believe it
I hate how you are always hiding something
I hate that sad look in your eye
I hate how I start half our conversations
I hate that I can't be with you 24/7
I hate how your hands are never empty
I hate that you are never close enough
I hate how I have to keep my distance
I hate that she's always with you
I hate how her eyes are on you
I hate that I'm not good enough
I hate how I feel that way
I hate that we're not still best friends
I hate how it's my fault
I hate that our hands never touch
I hate how you like video games
I hate that you know I hate it
I hate how we're so perfect for each other
I hate that I'm the only one that knows it
I hate how it's not a secret
I hate that this list is so long
I love the twinkle in your eye
I love how your eyes crinkle when you smile
I love how I can make you smile
I love that we can communicate without words
I love our mixed up past
I love the pictures of when we were little
I love that I can tell you anything
I love that you won't judge me
I love how you say my name
I love that you gave us a theme song
I love how you always want to be on my team
I love the little things you say
I love that you'll do anything to agree with me
I love the way you comfort me
I love how we can carry on a conversation for hours
I love how we laugh so hard we cry
I love that I always have first pick
I love that you know what I like and don't like
I love our rivalry that doesn't exist
I love our "buddy club"
I love that we hate those words
I love how you get me
I love that I understand you
I love how it's so easy to be around you
I love that you'll always answer
I love that you've forgotten all the stupid things I've said
I love how you only pretend to
I love you.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
i wish my parents thought of my sisters as individuals.
if one of us isn't home, we wait as long as possible to eat dinner. and when i say i'm hungry, they totally ignore me or say "you can wait for your sister to get home".
my sisters don't get it either.
if i get mad at them for not telling me they weren't riding the bus, or not telling me they aren't picking me up, or coming home late, or not telling me we have to leave early in the morning, not telling me we have a speech meeting, or not telling me to call mom, they think i'm "controlling them." that i'm "not their mom" (like i've never heard that one before)
they don't notice that when they eat, i eat. when they have to get up early, I have to get up early. if it's 7:00 am and we have to leave at 7:15 and they don't tell me until 7:10, and i get MAD, my parents always take their side (for example).
because they're older, my parents think they are always right. if i say "i don't think she should do that." for the sake of THEM, my parents give me the talk about how "it's not my choice what they do. you don't have to be worried about that. let us handle it."
so i basically don't have any rights.
today i rode the bus home, and expected my sister to be riding with me, like my mom told us to. but at the bus stop she wasn't there. i was always told that if they were supposed to ride the bus and weren't there when the bus was going to leave, to tell the bus driver to wait. so i asked my bus driver to wait just a few minutes for my sister to come. my bus driver waited 5 minutes. then left. so i'm obviously freaking out. i'm thinking what the crap? mom's going to be sooo mad at her, and ME. where is she? why didn't she text me she where she was? if mom has to drive here to pick her up she's going to ALSO talk to ME about missing the bus. so i text madie "the bus is leaving. i'm guessing you don't care?" and she says "no. meels is driving me home." so i got a little mad OBVIOUSLY. is it so hard to text me? save me the time of freaking out? she has a phone. why doesn't she use it?
so i said "ok. you know, you could have told me b4 i got on the bus without you. there's just a little thing called NOT LETTING YOUR SISTER FREAK OUT? it's new." and she didn't text back. ten minutes later she texted...
"we may b a little late. she's a little slow." i was home by now and still mad. i texted back...
"you seriously need to get your act together. i'm not just saying that."
five minutes later...
"wow emma. i called dad. please stay out of it."
i texted back
"i'm just saying. you know, it also effects my sleeping patterns, eating times, etc?"
when she came home she yelled at ME. like it was my fault? "OH and emma, thanks for being so nice over the phone. Mom and dad knew, you didn't have to freak out on me. YOU DON'T CONTROL ME. I can handle things myself!" then i told her what i was feeling and all she could say was "just stay out of it."
because she can't deny it. she KNOWS it. she's even admitted it before. i love her (obviously.) and we're really close, but it's times like these that i feel like "what does she ever do for me?"
but that's another story.
---------
p.s. M.D., if you read this, this is in the PAAAAAAST. don't hate me. but that's just how i feel right now. you know you feel this way too. (about me)
if one of us isn't home, we wait as long as possible to eat dinner. and when i say i'm hungry, they totally ignore me or say "you can wait for your sister to get home".
my sisters don't get it either.
if i get mad at them for not telling me they weren't riding the bus, or not telling me they aren't picking me up, or coming home late, or not telling me we have to leave early in the morning, not telling me we have a speech meeting, or not telling me to call mom, they think i'm "controlling them." that i'm "not their mom" (like i've never heard that one before)
they don't notice that when they eat, i eat. when they have to get up early, I have to get up early. if it's 7:00 am and we have to leave at 7:15 and they don't tell me until 7:10, and i get MAD, my parents always take their side (for example).
because they're older, my parents think they are always right. if i say "i don't think she should do that." for the sake of THEM, my parents give me the talk about how "it's not my choice what they do. you don't have to be worried about that. let us handle it."
so i basically don't have any rights.
today i rode the bus home, and expected my sister to be riding with me, like my mom told us to. but at the bus stop she wasn't there. i was always told that if they were supposed to ride the bus and weren't there when the bus was going to leave, to tell the bus driver to wait. so i asked my bus driver to wait just a few minutes for my sister to come. my bus driver waited 5 minutes. then left. so i'm obviously freaking out. i'm thinking what the crap? mom's going to be sooo mad at her, and ME. where is she? why didn't she text me she where she was? if mom has to drive here to pick her up she's going to ALSO talk to ME about missing the bus. so i text madie "the bus is leaving. i'm guessing you don't care?" and she says "no. meels is driving me home." so i got a little mad OBVIOUSLY. is it so hard to text me? save me the time of freaking out? she has a phone. why doesn't she use it?
so i said "ok. you know, you could have told me b4 i got on the bus without you. there's just a little thing called NOT LETTING YOUR SISTER FREAK OUT? it's new." and she didn't text back. ten minutes later she texted...
"we may b a little late. she's a little slow." i was home by now and still mad. i texted back...
"you seriously need to get your act together. i'm not just saying that."
five minutes later...
"wow emma. i called dad. please stay out of it."
i texted back
"i'm just saying. you know, it also effects my sleeping patterns, eating times, etc?"
when she came home she yelled at ME. like it was my fault? "OH and emma, thanks for being so nice over the phone. Mom and dad knew, you didn't have to freak out on me. YOU DON'T CONTROL ME. I can handle things myself!" then i told her what i was feeling and all she could say was "just stay out of it."
because she can't deny it. she KNOWS it. she's even admitted it before. i love her (obviously.) and we're really close, but it's times like these that i feel like "what does she ever do for me?"
but that's another story.
---------
p.s. M.D., if you read this, this is in the PAAAAAAST. don't hate me. but that's just how i feel right now. you know you feel this way too. (about me)
Friday, January 7, 2011
alright. so you guys know me by now. i don't write for what seems like years then i post one after another on this thing. but not all the subjects i want to talk about fit into one post, KAY?
god. recently i've been almost as pathetic as when i forget to turn off caps lock.
seriously. it's like i'm sad in comparison to how happy i am when i'm with him. is this healthy? (don't answer that.)
i got dangerously close to him in the hall the other day. i found it the perfect opportunity to turn into a total lame-o and drop all the stuff for my three classes all over him. i thought this would've been good, but they landed after he had walked by. so no, there wasn't that romantic moment of him helping me pick them up, like i hoped there would be. that's my life.
also i've been wanting to say that i'm going to enter a writing contest, if i ever write something that doesn't suck like a vacuum.
My Excuses for Not Doing What I Know I Should/ Want to Do (a.k.a. enter a wring contest):
god. recently i've been almost as pathetic as when i forget to turn off caps lock.
seriously. it's like i'm sad in comparison to how happy i am when i'm with him. is this healthy? (don't answer that.)
i got dangerously close to him in the hall the other day. i found it the perfect opportunity to turn into a total lame-o and drop all the stuff for my three classes all over him. i thought this would've been good, but they landed after he had walked by. so no, there wasn't that romantic moment of him helping me pick them up, like i hoped there would be. that's my life.
also i've been wanting to say that i'm going to enter a writing contest, if i ever write something that doesn't suck like a vacuum.
My Excuses for Not Doing What I Know I Should/ Want to Do (a.k.a. enter a wring contest):
- i just don't want to.
- i want to but i'm too lazy
- i'll never win
- and the list goes on and on
*sudden song that sounds like that comes into my head and i become way too distracted with sounds around me to write anymore like everything else in my life*
Well, it's good to know someone cares.
"SHOUT OUT" to the most "bomb" chick ever, emily. ;) love you.
quotations around SHOUT OUT indicate just how much i hate it when people say that.
no offense to disney channel.
just kidding. OFFENSE.
i've been realizing just how mean i am to some of my friends.
it's not my fault i don't like them.
JUST KIDDING. i like them. just... i don't know. i will make a "smart aleck remark" (as my parents would say) and they think i'm serious. like i really DON'T like them. and of course i crack up. this is followed by silence and a change of subject. is it me?
OF COURSE IT IS.
it's always me.
alright. now i'm putting myself into that depressing stage.
let's just not go there.
"SHOUT OUT" to the most "bomb" chick ever, emily. ;) love you.
quotations around SHOUT OUT indicate just how much i hate it when people say that.
no offense to disney channel.
just kidding. OFFENSE.
i've been realizing just how mean i am to some of my friends.
it's not my fault i don't like them.
JUST KIDDING. i like them. just... i don't know. i will make a "smart aleck remark" (as my parents would say) and they think i'm serious. like i really DON'T like them. and of course i crack up. this is followed by silence and a change of subject. is it me?
OF COURSE IT IS.
it's always me.
alright. now i'm putting myself into that depressing stage.
let's just not go there.
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