OH MY GOD he's on he's on he's on he's on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD NOT EVEN KIDDING HE'S ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but he's ON!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a feeling he'd be on IM now... it's like I have ESPN or something! (I know you just thought, "Oh my god, she's so stupid. ESPN is a station loser!" Yeah, thanks for that. Actually you're the stupid one this time. That's from a MOVIE PEOPLE!!! Ha ha >:)

Well, sorry about that really lame news flash. He's not even talking to me, as usual, so it's ok... you can calm down now. *sarcasm*

 I rather be anywhere else but here right now. For some reason dad's over reacting (again) about something Katie did and is yelling at her her. "Where are you? When will you be home? You don't KNOW? What are you talking to your mom about? Yeah... Well I want you to come home NOW. When you get home you will wash your car." Then Katie said she'll call him back...

5 minutes later

"HELLO? What? Why can't you wash the car here? You know what Katie? You're going to wash it here, and I'm going to show you how to do it. Why can't I show you how to wash a car? Huh?"

Jeez!!! I'm SO mad at him right now! Mom just walked in saying, "I was just on the phone with Katie. You know, she's SO upset. I told her not to drive so upset, you know? She's crying!" Dad, "Well what's she so upset about?" Mom, "Ugh..."

But I have to say, Katie's in some deep do-do right now. She broke/fractured her toe, lied about going on a boat, woke mom and dad (not to mention Madie and I) up because she was on the phone at 1:00 a.m. last night, and she hasn't been home for a whole day since school got out! 

But dad was over reacting a LOT. 

Mom's "talking" to dad right now. They're more like yelling their thoughts. Not fighting... just discussing LOUDLY.

Last night Mom took away Katie's phone. I agree with that TOTALLY. Katie told me that she hasn't turned off her phone since she got it. Ugh... that makes me sick... not even kidding.

I can't wait until my first solo. It will come... I'm telling you right now! Ha ha, just kidding. I hope it happens though. 

The song I'd like to sing then would be... Thank You for the Music. From Mamma Mia! or I guess originally by ABBA. It's perfect! I can sing it fairly well, and I love the song too of corse! 

 

My mom and dad are watching the news right now. Michael Jackson died! I'm sad. Nobody liked him because of his craziness, but Thriller is the best song! Well, I say that about every song, but you have to admit you like that song! Don't lie to me!

Today all I want to do is lay in the grass listening to Beatles songs. I feel like a hippie.

Last night I watched Across the Universe. It was an awesome movie. The plot line was choppy, but the filming was good.

Ok, well, I'm going to go... now.. so.... yeah. bye.

My cat's sitting right next to me. Just a little bored here. 

 

I'm not even sure if I'm as in love with him as I was before. I haven't seen him since school got out. He goes on IM, but he doesn't talk to me. He'll go outside for two seconds, always when I'm not outside. I'm not going to see him for a year! This stupid age difference (even if only by a year) gets in the way.

 

Why can't I just skip this year? The only point of it is to prepare you for the next year! I'm perfectly prepared.

 

I feel so alone. All I do everyday is read and go on the computer. Sometimes go outside, but only when it's warm. It hasn't been warm or sunny for 3 days. I'm sick of it.

 

I'm redoing my room, trying to find a space where everything around me fits my personality. It's going to be hard, considering the fact that I have to find something not depressing that will suck the fun out of my happy days, but not too happy that makes me more depressed because I'd feel so out of place. I'm thinking blue, with striped polka dots. Blue, green, and dark purple.

The only thing that would be missing in my room would be a bigger bed.

 

Every time Katie has a guy friend over I picture him sitting on my bed, talking with me. Or us sitting on the floor, listening to music. 

 

But I never see him, and I don't think he'd want to see me. Because I'm not going to see him, he'll move on. He'll get girlfriends, I'll stay single. Alone, and single. Without even a hope to see him, because when would I anyway? 

Ever notice that when you're having a great convo. with your friend/crush on IM or facebook chat, there's always some random "friend" of yours that wants to have small talk about their recently deceased puppy that got run over by a semi or WHATEVER?! For instance I was talking to him on IM once and suddenly Austin starts talking to me! Here's how it went:

Me talking to Him: wat up?

Him: nm u?

Austin pops up randomly: what's up?

Me, really mad at austin at the moment: NOTHING!

Austin: oh ok cool... what's up?

Me: HOLD ON!

Me talking to Him again: same old, same old. hey you should--

Austin, just cut me off in mid sentence with Him: oh... ok.

Me talking to Him again: *picking up from where i left off* drop by sometime and pick up some of the cookies I just made! They're really good!

Him: Oh ok! Cool, what kind?

Austin: Em, you still there??

Me: yeah Austin! just hold on a sec i'm... doing something!

Me talking to Him again: Um... chocolate chip. They're awesome

Austin: well aren't you miss CRABBY PANTS today! jeez!

Me: just shut up austin for ONE SECOND!!

Him: Cool!

Austin: JEEZ!

Me: shut...up.

Him: well, I gtg ok? bye

Me: bye!

Austin: i gtg... hopefully you'll be less crabby next time! jeez woman!

Me: bye!

So in the end, I lose both the people I was talking to because of my freaking out. I never win...

As I said before, my friends "tease" me.

 

Today at tennis Morgan was talking with some of the other girls. Since I didn't want to be alone at the back of the line I went up by them. "Um... why are you here?" GOD!!!! I hate the world sometimes!!! "Because I hate being alone." Then Emily came and we both went back to the back of the line.

 

Emily is my savior. She may not be my best friend and know all about me, but that's what is nice about her. She hangs out with you even if no one else is.

 

Am I missing out on a part of friendship where they're actually there for you, no matter what? Should I get new friends? Easier said then done.

Ugh, I don't want to go to bed! I should, but I'm not going to!! My mom's still not home from her meeting, and Katie's somewhere... who knows where.

I've read my book for three hours today. I read 75 pages in that time, with brakes of corse! 

 

It rained... I almost slept... it was nice.

Today Madie got a job. 

 

I was really excited for her. Usually all she (and I do too but... whatever!) just sleeps until noon and then sits around doing NOTHING. Now she got a job... good?

 

Once she got home I had to keep quiet while she talked to mom and dad about how much "hard work it is to do dishes and show the old farts around! There's this chef named Dubbie-" yeah... I zoned out at Dubbie. 

 

I know it can be hard running around constantly but she acted as if it was the end of the world to do dishes. Yeah, I know that's hard... but not as hard as she made it sound.

Anyway so this conversation went on for another hour. Me, sitting in the corner of the couch trying to keep my mouth shut while Madie blabs on and on about all the people there and crap like that.

She works at the Villa Maria about a mile from here. I could have biked there in 10 minutes if I wanted to!

It's her first job. Being 14 and all you don't get a lot of choices I guess.

Finally everything is quiet now. I really wanted to watch a movie but I know that Madie won't want to watch it. I was hoping she'd work late enough for her to miss it... but NOOOO!!!

I can't wait until tomorrow. Madie's going to be working from 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 for lunch at the Villa and then she goes back at 4:00 p.m. or something for dinner. I'll be alone.

I think I'll get up early and walk Max. Then maybe make a cake. 

 

I can't wait until tomorrow...

Oh my god, mom and dad brought friends home from dinner. I hate this.

aoethpeihepith

*Kaput* goes my brain. 

Today I played tennis, walked the dog, went on a bike ride, went to the grocery store, and watched Aladdin. Ever since Aladdin ended I've been Twittering and blogging... well, thinking of what to blog more like. 

I kicked some serious butt today in tennis! Emily and I were champions at the game Olympics. We beat every pair twice before Austin and Payton/Paiton(?) beat us at the end of the game... but for the last match we beat them again! Emily and I rock at tennis!

On Tuesday I have tennis again. Katie's going to drive me (if she can get up at 9:00 a.m.) and then we might go to play tennis after too. Hopefully she'll notice that I'm not a horrible little sister and actually give me a chance... MOVING ON!!

I try hard to keep the friends that I have... it never seems to work. At the sleepover Sunday Morgan asked us all a question, but only for Bee to answer. "We all are in a burning building. There's one exit and only two people are going to make it out alive. You're one of those people, which one of us (Rachel, Emma, or Me) do you take with you?" We all agreed that this was an unfair question, but Bee answered eventually, "Well, first I would take Rachel, then come back for you, Morgan. Then I'd come back a third time for Emma." Morgan didn't except this. "You can only take ONE PERSON!" 

But we all already knew that if Bee was to take one person only, she'd take Rachel.

I didn't like this. This hurt me. Bee chose to take me last. By the time Bee came back for me I would only be ashes left in the burned building. I felt left out right away.

The entire night, after and before that, I'd been left out. They'd teased me by saying, "ha ha! But not Emma!" at jokes about who was coming to the party. I hoped that they were joking, but when I was out of the trailer to get something and they were alone, I couldn't help but think that they were talking about me. And I'm pretty sure they were.

At school, in tennis, even at my own sleepover! They always leave me out. No matter what I do or say they always find a way to make me feel insecure about myself. But without them I'd have no one to hang out with, no one to talk to at school, no one to sit by. They know my secrets, I know their secrets. We're friends... but in a general way.

Answering Some Questions

1. The meaning of this quote, "I used to be snow white, but then I drifted." Means that that actor (who said that quote) used to be innocent good girl, but then changed directions to be a bad girl.
2. My "About Me" description is metaphorical, of course.
3. My life is very messed up right now
4. Religion isn't my... thing.
5. This is the first blog of mine that I've stuck to.

There... done! Happy now?!

  I'm going to be going into another year of school in September. Katie's going to be in 11th grade, Madie in 10th! I only have two more years until Katie goes to collage, three years until Madie goes. I'll have all four of my high school years alone... without any sisters in the house. I'm wondering, will I be so lonely that I'll get depressed? I'm already sad.

 

Maybe it won't be that bad... maybe I'll get over it quickly? But ever since last year Madie and I have been really close. I tell her everything. I can't think of one thing (right now) that she doesn't already know about me. She knows me better then anyone. I'm very lucky.

Katie and I could be close... well, I don't know if we even really could be. Katie is always out of the house. Right now she's at dinner with one of her friends! Plus Katie won't get past the fact that I'm her little sister. She's so caught up in her own life to think of how my life is. If she does then she sure doesn't show it.

Actually I'm really worried about Katie. She's always out driving. I don't think she takes some stuff seriously enough. Like how "everybody" has sex. It seems like Katie thinks since "everybody" has sex then it isn't a big deal. Like there's no consequences because no one's gotten pregnant that she knows yet.

Also Katie doesn't seem to notice how guys act around her. Maybe she does, and just doesn't care. Maybe she likes it? Well, I shouldn't say anything because I really don't know. But she's my sister, and I care.

 

I'm only worried about one thing with Madie, and that's that she's sad. Madie's the best sister I could ask for. But sometimes I don't think that she's happy with the way she is. I'm worried that she'll forget about what a great person she is and only see her flaws. Everyone has flaws. But when people support you and your flaws, you get stronger. I support all of Madie. No matter what either of my sisters choose to do, I know that they must have a reason... or else I don't think they'd be doing it.

Today I looked at more blogs... half of them in Spanish. Ever notice that when you click "Next Blog" you're most likely to get a blog that's in Spanish and the only words you can make out is "Christen Bale" or "the potato". 

 

These blogs interest me. For what reason would you write a blog revolved around Christen Bale or potatoes? Or even Christen Bale's potatoes? I've come across these blogs more then once.

 

Just a couple minutes ago I found a blog named "Si". I don't know why you would name your blog "Yes" but this Spanish woman did... and she said "Si" every other word... once again, Spanish blogs interest me.

 

Then again I wonder what Spanish people think of Americans that write about Zac Efron or Global Warming every second of every day. In my mind I could picture them saying, "Hey, what's the big deal about some High School sweetheart with big muscles? And who the heck cares about the world dying?" So I guess I won't interfere with them anymore.

Today, all I'm doing is making cookies with my mom. Maybe I'll send some to the people I should thank.... let's make a list.

1) My old teacher, Ms. Baures

2) My cousins... just for being cousins

3) My sister, Madie's friends for being her friend

4) My other sister, Katie's friends.... well, only the ones I like!

5) MY friends... for.... um... ok maybe not my friends

6) Me, My mom, My dad, Katie, and Madie.

I'll need a lot of cookies...wow... Maybe I'll just make some for Madie's friends, some for one of Katie's friends, some for my teacher and some for my Mom and dad... oh and some for... wait... that still doesn't leave me some!

I never win.

I got some clothes... as in one Aero sweatshirt I bought at the Corner Closet for 13.00 and one plain grey t-shirt... it's quite nice actually. New clothes give me time to relax and think.... which reminds me...

 

I'm thinking more and more about him everyday... no matter what I do I always have the thought of him in the back of my mind... or the front of it. I'm taking an interest in a lot of blogs, always thinking of if he started a blog then I'd read it, over and over. 

 

Anyway, I'm starting to not care if I have a title for each post anymore... I don't think it really matters anyway. Most likely I'll stray off subject and talk about puppies by the end of one post labeled "Life is Like a Bad Headache". Which I can't say is entirely untrue. 

Also I noticed that I really need glasses. I get headaches everyday... and they're not just short ones. I talked to my mom about it and all she said in reply was, "Hm... well can you talk to your dad about it. I'm busy." So, I went and talked to dad, "Uh huh..." was all I got out of him. Story of my life...

Update

Just so ye world knows: I'm not even sure if the divorce is going on anymore. Everything feels back to normal...??? Is is an act? I don't think so...

Outside the Crowd

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends! It's just that I wish I had better... do we all? I'm not sure if it's just me or if I'm being stuck up! 

I had the sleepover two nights ago... it was... ok? Well, really they drove me nuts!!! We slept in my mom's Airstream Trailer, a.k.a. my mom's pride and joy! So, instead of being careful, they threw pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags across the entire trailer! This trailer isn't the biggest... only about sixteen feet (not even!!!).

 

So, guess what I did? I CRIED!! I couldn't believe it! But, what else could I do to get them to stop messing around? It was so bad, that in mid-throw of a pillow, I stuck my hand out just in time, and caught that stupid flying pillow.

 

So, I DO love my friends... but, not just then.

 

But all of this is beside the point. The real reason that I wish I had better friends is because I'm really NOTHING like them. For instance:

Bee: wild but can have big mood swings. Gets mad very easily, and can be careless about things that can break

Rachel: Calm, hard to do stuff with her when you are alone. Can be weird, but not really...

Morgan: wild, isn't the greatest at comforting people, quite ruff, randomly kicks you

Then there's me: Careful, weird, "funny", I consider myself mature for my age, and I promise not to kick you randomly.

See? In some ways I am like them, but when we're all together? I find myself sitting in the corner... CRYING, while Bee, Rachel, and Morgan throw pillows and such around the aluminum trailer that my mom would (and almost did) kill me for messing up. Perfect friends? I don't think so...

Friends

SLEEPOVERS!!!

Tonight- Madi's house (with madi)

Sunday- My house (with morgan, rachel, and bee)

WOO HOO! Not so close together but I never get to have 2 even this close together!