My heart feels like it did when Uncle Stephen died...
Well, not as bad. OBVIOUSLY but the same kind of deal. Really heavy. Like it's at the back of my body, laying there. (oh, good images)

I think i might know what this feeling is called. Panic. I'm not 'panicing' but i'm having the panic feeling. Honestly, i don't know how i'm going to do it tomorrow. It's really not that big of a deal, i know. It's just going back to school, right? But i'm SO out of the whole school thing. i'm still in summer mode. It's almost hard to breathe. I'm very confident i'll do fine, but the little thought in the back of my mind keeps taking me down. What if you don't do fine? How could i not do fine? It's only the start of school!!! why am i so scared?!?!?!

Oh yeah. because it's a new school. I'm not moving, all my same friends will be there. It's just a new school. And i have no idea where i'm going.

Writing this down is making it worse. But if feels good at the same time. My heart doesn't feel QUITE as heavy. But still, panic.

Who am i going to hang out with? Emily? But to tell you the truth i don't get along that well with emily's friends. and of COURSE emily will hang out with her friends, that's a given. Maybe it will just be me and rachel. But rachel might hang out with Morgan, even if morgan is a !@#$. (I'm sorry but that's really the only word for morgan.) So what will i do? Emily's friends aren't THAT bad. And i would hang out with Lydia all the time but she's a grade above. we won't have ANY classes together. Lunch. Woopty bleeping doo. And even then we won't be able to sit by each other. and once again, i don't even like who she hangs out with.

Maybe i should form my own group of misfits. too bad i don't know that many. It'd be me, the nose-picker, the i-hate-the-world girl, and... the counselor-who-no-one-likes-because-she-doesn't-help-at-all. Once again, woopty bleeping doo. Sounds like the gang for me!!!

Ugh, this isn't helping anymore. I'm going to hang out with emily. I've made this a WAAAAAY bigger problem then it really is. I know it. but there's no way to stop my mind!!! STOP MIND STOP!!!

...

nope it didn't work.

I'll be fine. I know it. My heart is ALMOST in the right place.

I think i need a hug.