Sometimes I feel like I'm going nowhere. Like I'm stuck being the littlest forever and that no matter what I do my sisters are always going to do better. I feel like I always get the shorthand of the stick. Of course my sisters think it's the other way around. That I get my way because I'm the littlest. But that's just it, it's because I'm the littlest. Not because I've accomplished something better then what they did, not because I deserve it or just want it. It's because I'm the littlest and nothing more.

Whenever mom asks me what's wrong I want to tell her everything. All the things I know she wouldn't understand and never will. The things I know she doesn't want to hear and the things even I don't want to admit. But I can't. All I can do is kick the chair and cry. Because is it really worth telling someone something if you know they won't understand? Is it worth wasting my energy on crying and having a fit if I know all it's going to do is prove that I really am the youngest. I'm still the baby of the family, no matter how hard I try not to be. There's no escaping, no hiding, no way of covering it up. It's just a fact.

Maybe that's my problem, maybe I have trouble dealing with the facts. But what if I didn't? Would I be depressed beyond belief? Truth is, I'm too afraid to try.

I just got a bunch of great songs FREE! Well, Madie had to pay for them but, whatever. They're free to me! There's about 18 songs on this CD that she made for mom on her birthday. All the songs are great! That's why I love CDs. If someone you know already has the track you want, borrow it and put it on your computer. BANG you just got free songs!

I know what I'm going to give mom for her next birthday, or maybe I'll give it to dad... I don't know, it doesn't really matter. I'm going to need Madie's help. Yes, Madie, I do. Well, I'm thinking about maybe doing a whole bunch of covers of all my favorite songs and put it on a CD (sorry Madie, for stealing the idea of a CD. It's different though). I'd probably sing, Love, Save the Empty by Erin McCarley... I'll think of others when one of their birthday's come! I probably won't even do it, though. I'll probably chicken out right away. Oh wait... false alarm. I still want to do it.

So that pretty much made my day yesterday. OH! And I gave Valya (my next door neighbor who just turned 9) 2 birthday presents! I'm pretty sure they're the best presents ever. Well, for a 9 year old a Webkinz and jelly beans are pretty awesome. Then again, her parents probably got her some awesome present... Oh, well. She'll get what I give her and she'll like it!

I hate annoying kids. Hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE them. I just found a blog that an eight year old wrote! She's the most annoying little brat I've ever read about. No offence to anyone but all she talks about is how God is the savior and how he saved her from almost being lost once in a muesum. Turns out her family was only five feet away! Ha ha, how funny! NOT. I'm sorry, little girl, but you just gave me a headache. OH MY GOD I'M SO MEAN!!! I'm really sorry little 8 year old... but I won't be reading your blog again. Once again I was searching around Blogspot pressing "Next Blog" until I found a good one. This girl had a cool background so I thought she might be cool... I was wrong.

I've started to write another story today. I don't know how far it'll go, but it's worth a shot, right? It's about a more negative me, with 3 friends, Heather (a lot like Rachel), A. (a lot like Bee...), and Natalia (a lot like... no, she's pretty much her own person...). And of corse, me. I haven't come up with a name for myself yet but, I'm working on it! I'm not planning what will happen, a lot like my life, things happen unexpectedly. More like whenever something pops into my head at the time!

Other then writing that story I've done pretty much nothing today. I've gotten bugged about, "not getting dressed and going on a bike ride already! Jeez Emma, it's not that hard!" about 5 times today, nagged my mom about getting a Chihuahua or some other small inside dog, and watched High School Musical 3. I can't believe those movies got so far. They're really not even that good. Zac Efron is the hottest guy who ever crossed the planet but that's really the only good thing about it. If he weren't cute, those movies would be being sold at the 25 Cent Only section at Target. Bad movies with cute guys work. But a regular movie with a cute guy is just another movie.

I've been asked to go to the Wisconsin Dells with Morgan (a different one. Not my best friend Morgan). 3 days with Different Morgan is pretty much the worst thing possible for me. Now if he asked me to go, heck yeah! But no, Different Morgan did. Yay? So that's not going to be happening anytime soon. Different Morgan's really nice! She's just not the kind of person I want to spend 3 days with at a place I don't even like. Plus it's like 3 hours away from here. She probably owns a minivan.

Ever tried to clean your room? It's really nice. Since I cleaned it (about 3 hours ago) I've been sitting on my bed on the computer. I'm listening to all my music... well, the good songs that is. I've been really happy today for no reason. Maybe I'm excited for school? Or happy that my friends are being nice? Or maybe I'm just thankful? Naw, it has to be just that I'm excited for school!

I wrote a new note on facebook. As always, it was dramatic. I can't help that I'm into poetry! It was actually a song this time. I would have gone further but after a while I decided to end it and post it on facebook as kind of a message instead of a song. It was about me taking chances and falling in love once, and then after that I was afraid to be hurt again, typical song material.

I really missed him today. I can't believe I'm not going to see him for a long time... UGH I HATE THAT I'M NOT IN HIS GRADE!! Or CLASS I should say now that there aren't really any 'grades' for him. Sucky, sucky, sucky, sucky age difference!

I just got back from Colorado. 12 hours in a RV (feels WAY smaller than it is) with my whole family... 24 hours there and back. Oh my god. You have no idea how good it feels to be home.

My show, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, is going to be on in 4 minutes... relaxation is my best friend.

I forgot to tell you about how tubing with Emily was. It was fun. I mean, minus everyone saying, "You should've gone to church camp with us! You don't have to be christian." and singing christian songs while tubing... yeah it was pretty fun. Morgan, Emily, and Maddy are all christian. REALLY christian. I don't go to church... and I'm an atheist. Maddy's dad is the paster or father or whatever you call them. He's actually really awesome for a paster/father/whatever.

When they were singing, "Give me a J! (You got your J you got your J!) Give me a E! (You got your E you got your E!) Give me a S! (You got your S you got your S!) Give me a U! (You got your U you got your U!) Give me another S! (You got another S you got your S!) Put it all together and what does it spell? J-E-S-U-S JESUS!!!! Woot woot go Jesus! Woot woot go Jesus! He's our savior, YEAH!" Over and over again while I just sit there pretending to suddenly become very interested in my hand. I hate my life.

I'm going to Heather's wedding today! I don't know why I'm so excited for it... I've never talked to her and I bet no one I know will be there. (How much do you want to bet saying that will back fire once I get there... people I know galore... *shivers*.) So, yeah.

I'm already in my dress and shoes. My dress is black, with two ruffles on top and bottom. It's really comfortable! My shoes are awesome. They look like greek god shoes. Only silver! They're awesome on top of awesome. Yeah, that good.

I took off my old nail polish and replaced blue with a pinkish color. It's so light. I was too lazy to put on another coat. They look pretty though! Once my hair dries I'm going to curl it. Hopefully I'll look pretty! I've learned not to trust my mirror. The lighting is off so everything looks prettier then it really is. So that's pretty sucky...

I've never been to a wedding. I was invited to two but they were too expensive that I couldn't go... frowny face.