Halloween sucked.

It started off with dad making sure he ruined everything. First he argued with me about the stupidest things, "don't get that much candy! Just get the bad crap they don't need that stuff!" then, "you know when I was a kid we only turned on the inside lights..." I know it sounds so stupid, and it was, but it just drove me INSANE! Then when the porch lights weren't on mom looked at me and yelled, "EMMA I TOLD YOU TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS WHY DIDN'T YOU? God you know you've been in such a bad mood today! Now you won't even listen!" then I got really mad because all that time I was trying to tell her what really happened and said, "Mom you know you should probably listen to my reasons before you go blaming me!!!!" she was quiet for awhile then yelled back, "I wasn't blaming you! I'm mad at your father!! God you know what? You're not going to have Devon over! You're in such a bad mood you wouldn't have any fun!" me, "Maybe I would be in a good mood if people didn't get me mad! I wasn't in a bad mood to start with!" Then she went and yelled at dad for awhile.

Yay. Why is it that none of my holidays are fun? They're always ruined because of my mom and dad saying, "You're in such a bad mood." and canceling any fun I was supposed to have, if any.

So anyway later on that night when I was finally doing what I wanted to do on halloween, watching all the lame "scary" movies on TV, dad comes in, takes the remote from me and changes it to a stupid war movie. I start to cry. God, I should really get better at emotions.

"Oh stop crying, you weren't watching anything anyway." I want to kill that man sometimes. Why does he have to ruin everything for me? It's like he wants me to hate him.

And today he said, "Ok you can have the TV for now but I'm going to watch football in there at 3:00" It was only 12 so I said ok. Half an hour later he comes in, takes the remote away and changes it to football. "You said you didn't need the TV until 3:00 dad, can't I watch it until then?" Nothing. "Why don't you get dressed instead of just sitting around in your pajamas all day and do something?" Says the man in his sweatpants eating cheese and crackers. I wanted to say, "Why don't you get dressed and do your work like you're supposed to do?" But instead I just sat there.

Just now he was cleaning up the TV room, because Katie had a sleepover in there last night, and held up this huge purple arm rest thing and said, "Is this your junk?" I kinda mumbled, "no it's Katie's." Five seconds later, "I ASKED YOU IF THIS WAS YOURS!" I yell back, "I JUST SAID NO IT'S KATIE'S DAD!" and ran out the room saying, "God do you have to ruin EVERYTHING for me?!?" And ran up to my room where I am now. Dad followed behind saying, "Jeez, why don't you take a nap or something?!"

I think he just knocked on my door... "Go away." Silence... Oh crap I think that was my mom. Oh well she can ask dad what's wrong. Knocking again, "Emma?" It's mom. "What mom?" "Can I see you for a second?" "Why?" "Because I want to see your face?" ... "Please?" ... "Emma please?" "Why mom?" "Because!" "Fine then." ... Why hasn't she come in?... "Mom ok come in." The door opens, she stands at the doorway looking at me for a second. My head's down, tears falling from my face... She walks in, "Are you crying because your room's such a mess? I know that makes me cry." silence... god I hope she's joking. I look up at her, she's barely smiling. I hope she knows that really didn't help. I just sit there on my bed. "What's wrong?" "Dads ruined all of today and yesterday! It's like he lives to make me mad! Why does he have to be so mean? He yells at me for no reason and makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong ALL THE TIME even if I'm not even DOING anything!" She thinks. I know she's felt this before. "Well you just have to learn to ignore him." I gave her that advise. God mom, way to be original, "otherwise you'll go insane. Hey have you seen my pin cushion?" "I don't care about your stupid pin cushion." I say. She looks at me, I can tell she's thinking, "god lighten up. just answer the question" like I think when she talks about dad. I hate being in her shoes. "No." I say again. "Well I'd really like to find it. I worry about it." I hope I'm not the pin cushion... then again I don't think she'd think of that technique. "Nope..." I say, still crying. Why is she asking me these stupid questions? "You sure?" she's looking in my closet/ the place where she keeps all HER stuff. I just love all my privacy. "Mom, just--" I stop myself. I start to cry harder. "Ok... do you want to do something with me?" should I? No, I'll have to see dad if I do. "I don't know... like what?" "I don't know... bake something?" Oh god... come on Emma... cookies? No... no she'll not actually do it with me. And anyway dad would comment something mean if I went into the kitchen. "I don't know..." "I'm not mad at you you know..." Mom, I know that! Just go away... I don't think I'll reply... "Well if you get sick of being alone I'm down stairs." She leaves.

I hear her foot steps as she goes downstairs.

Oh god... I'm already getting sick of being alone... maybe I'll get dressed and ask to go to Red Wing with her? Maybe... she might say no though. I'm getting hungry... she offered to make cookies...? Ugh, no I already said no to that, and anyway she'd probably say, "I don't know if we have enough of everything to make them..." and then I'd be stuck watching football with my dad. Not really something I'm up for so far... I know, I'll call my own house from Madie's cell phone, ask for her, and then say, "Mom, it's Emma... could we go to Red Wing?" ... no that's lame... I'll just get dressed and suck it up I guess.... I have 30$ in my wallet right now... I'll ask to go to Red Wing.

I trip. I fall. I swim. I sink.