I absolutely can't stand my mother.

Tonight she went out with her friends, so of course she came back... buzzed. At least. And you know how much I love "buzzed" people.

Seriously though, she says my DAD has a drinking problem? Sure, my mom's not an alcoholic, but at least my dad can hold his liquor. Swear to god, one drink and mom's giggling like a goon.

My dad bought her a Macbook Air for her birthday, August 19. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be using it right now. She refused to open it and get it started. Like, mom! Dad spent $1,300 dollars on a new computer for you because you've been complaining about your old one for years, and you won't even open it? So today I set it up FOR HER because I couldn't stand her not using it, and all she did tonight was go "the screen's too small. I can't read the screen! Emma, make the text bigger."

But while I was fixing this disastrous problem, all she kept saying was, "it doesn't take 1000 clicks to fix it Emma. Give it back! Can't I just check my email?" and then I said, "if you don't like it then you can have mine. I'd be happy to take a new computer, especially when it's a MACBOOK AIR. No, seriously mom, I will trade you. Do you want mine?"

And all she did was giggle.

Honestly, I have no tolerance for people who have had too much. It seriously makes me want to punch them in the face. But this time, mom was being a jerk about the computer even before she'd had anything to drink, and it really just ticked me off.

She finally went to bed, and I just had to write something.

Anyway...

I start High School this year. And I hate it because it doesn't even seem like a big deal because of Katie and Madie going/ being in college. God, I hate being the youngest. Everything I do seems like nothing because they're always going through something bigger in their life. And it just so happens that even when I graduate High School, what is supposed to be a HUGE step in my life, Madie graduates college, which is 20X bigger.

Can't the spotlight ever be on me? Can't I have one year when mom and dad pay more attention to me than my sisters? This year I will be the only kid still at home, and everyone keeps saying "Emma, stop complaining, you're going to have all the attention!" but truth is, that's a complete lie.

All my mom is going to care is about how Sensitive Madie will be adjusting to the new college life. "Is Katie making bad choices?" (yes.) "Is Madie making friends?" (yes.) "I wonder if they will ever get boyfriends... I should send them cookies. They haven't called me in a day! Have you heard from your sisters? Are they getting good grades?" and all I will get is "YOU BETTER BE GETTING GOOD GRADES. Do you have any plans this weekend?" (yes.) "I don't like you spending so much time with your friends. We should go out to dinner." (no!) "YOU'RE TURNING INTO KATIE!"

And my sisters claim I will get "anything I want", but seriously, when was the last time I actually got what I wanted?

 I don't mean getting when I wanted for Christmas, I mean the simple things normal human beings want. Like a finished room that is done the way I want it done.

THINGS I WANT BUT WILL NEVER GET:

1. a room that is my own, not one that has mom's never used craft supplies and antique rug in it
2. a cat that is my own, not one that is actually Katie's, but I have to take care of because she's off at college
3. trust to make the right decisions
4. a boyfriend they will approve of
5. attention where I need it, less where I don't
1. i.e. less attention about school, I get it! more about how I'm doing and what I actually care about
6. family dinners

I know, you're thinking "Emma, your parents aren't divorced. You don't have any money problems. Your mom cooked dinner all through when you were growing up. Stop being so stuck up and be grateful for what you have!"

Well guess what? It's what I USED to have, and what Katie and Madie ALWAYS had. They grew up with a full family. They never wondered who was making dinner, because mom didn't have a job, and used to love doing that for us. They always had a family dinner, because everyone was always home to have it. 

Katie and Madie grew up in a totally different way than I did/ am. And what they don't understand is how wrong they are about my coming High School years being "great, because you don't have to share anything with your sisters, mom and dad will always be able to go to your events, and you'll get everything you want!"

This whole life change that is about to happen- Madie going to college, leaving me alone at home- is just a big pile of, sorry, SHIT.

(by the way, I'm so going to start swearing openly soon. I can't hold it in any longer.)

REASONS WHY IT'S GOING TO SUCK BEING STUCK WITH MY PARENTS...

1. no one to roll my eyes at when they're being annoying
2. no one to complain about whatever fight they're having
3. EVERYTHING SUCKZZZZZZ

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Sorry for not writing all summer. I will start. :)